Let go of the Idiot Ball
by Nanenna
Summary: Edge can't help but be frustrated with his brother, ever since Red became friends with Sans he's gotten lazier and lazier. Ugh! How's a guy supposed to get his lazy big brother motivated again? Undertale/Underfell Monsters never sealed Underground AU


Edge hummed to himself as he thought about what he would make for dinner later tonight. Red had plans so he was eating alone, perhaps he could treat himself to a night out? Or maybe have a friend or two over instead? "HEY FISH-BITCH, GOT ANY PLANS TONIGHT?" Edge leaned back in his chair to get a better view of his beat partner.

"Hell yeah I do!" Ondine yelled excitedly. "It's a Friday night, I'm gonna spend it with my girlfriend!"

Edge just nodded, "LUCKY YOU."

"Awwww… jealous? You should go out and get yourself a datemate, then you wouldn't be spending your Friday nights all alone." She smirked as she leaned over her desk, her chin resting on a hand, carefully painted bright red claws gently scratching over white scars. Edge swore half the scars on her face were from her own claws.

"I THOUGHT RED AND I WERE GOING TO HAVE A QUIET EVENING IN, BUT THAT PLAN WENT OUT THE DAMN WINDOW."

"Ah, so everyone but you has plans." Ondine's smirk spreader wider as her eyes glimmered with mirth.

Edge huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, "IT'S NOT MY FAULT RED NEVER TELLS ME HIS PLANS UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE."

Ondine just shook her head, "So how are he and Sans doing anyway?"

Edge rolled his eyes, "SANS IS JUST AS MUCH A BAD INFLUENCE AS EVER. I SWEAR! ALL THEY EVER DO IS LAZE AROUND THE HOUSE LIKE THEY GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO, EVEN THOUGH SANS SOMEHOW HAS THREE MILLION JOBS?" Edge would never understand it.

"You gotta admire his work ethic if nothing else, how do you even keep up with three million whole jobs?"

"MORE LIKE HALF JOBS THAT HE ONLY EVER PUTS MAYBE 1% OF ANY EFFORT INTO. JUST SHOWS UP AND SLACKS OFF FOR PAY! UGH!" Edge's face curled into a pinched, sour expression at just the thought of it. Red had been slacking off more and more since he and Sans became friends, even quit his last job about a year ago and had shown no motivation to find another. Just lounged around the house wasting time on stupid phone games and laughing at inane memes so far as Edge could tell.

"Well I'm sorry you don't have any plans tonight, but I'm not giving up my date for you."

"IT'S FINE, I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING. GO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."

"I'll kiss her once for you," Ondine offered with a lewd grin and a wink.

"PLEASE DO NOT!"

Ondine laughed as she sat up and went back to typing away at her computer. He didn't know why she even bothered, her reports were always atrocious, but he was happy she was at least trying.

Finally, after the last report was written and sent off, it was time to head home and decide what to do with his evening after a shower and some fresh clothes. Going out sounded nicer the more he thought about it, maybe hit someplace with a bar so he wouldn't be at a table all alone. Didn't Mettaton open a club recently? Edge made a mental note to look that up as he unlocked his front door.

Red and Sans were both asleep on the couch. Edge pinched his nasal bridge and breathed out slowly. Sans was laying stretched out on top of Red, head slowly rising and falling with Red's chest. Red was stretched out with his socked feet barely brushing the far armrest and a pillow under his head. The fact he had a pillow meant Red had to go find one somewhere and bring it to the couch rather than take the nap in his own bed. Sans napping on the couch would have made sense, plenty of times he'd been over to hang out with Red and had just fallen asleep in some random spot, but Red had his own bed in literally the next room. Not to mention how unusual it was to find even these two slackers napping at 5:17 in the afternoon. And what was that smell? Had they been messing around in his nice, clean kitchen?

"WAKE UP!" Edge barked harshly. Red flinched and murmured something but didn't actually wake. Surprisingly Sans did wake, his left eye came to life in a blaze of flashing magic. He looked around anxiously before his eye fell on Edge, then his whole posture relaxed and he settled back down. Edge wouldn't have expected someone as pampered as one of the Tale brothers to be the one to wake up in a panic, someone like him or Red sure. Red had been a much lighter sleeper when they were younger and lived in a rough neighborhood.

"what is it?" Sans asked softly, eyes already closed.

"WHY ARE YOU TWO NAPPING SO LATE IN THE AFTERNOON? IT'S ALMOST EVENING, EVEN YOU TO LAZY SLOBS WILL HAVE TROUBLE FALLING ASLEEP AT THIS RATE."

"that's kind of the whole point, we're going celebrity staring tonight."

One of Edge's eyes twitched, his pun sense was going off but he wasn't quite sure what it was. "WHAT DID YOU TWO DO TO MY KITCHEN?"

"don't worry, we cleaned up after ourselves."

That did not reassure Edge at all, he stalked into the kitchen to take stock of the damage. There was a pile of drying dishes on the fold out drying rack next to the sink. He carefully inspected them, there didn't seem to be any food stuck on them so he supposed they had actually cleaned up after themselves. Maybe Red was being a better influence on Sans than he thought. The counter was fairly clean as well, it had obviously recently been wiped down even if there were still some streaks left. He supposed he wouldn't tear them new assholes for this.

Sitting in the far corner of the counter was a slow cooker he hadn't seen in years. He thought Red had gotten rid of that thing after Edge took over cooking and had banned it from his kitchen, he couldn't stand the lazy things! Well, it did make sense the two laziest monsters in the world would use the world's laziest cooking methods. Still, the fact they were putting in any effort at all should be encouraged. He turned to leave, then spotted something sitting on the kitchen table.

It was a wicker basket, complete with a red and white plaid blanket folded up next to it. There was a thermos with it's lid off sitting next to it, likely waiting for whatever was in the slow cooker to finish. He went over and looked into the basket, there was a loaf of thickly sliced bread, some cheap, plastic bowls, another thermos, some cups, a pair of pre-packaged pocket pies, and a weird looking flashlight. All of the non-edible items looked like they had been purchased from some sort of outdoors or sporting goods store, like it was meant for camping. That was weird, Edge thought "celebrity staring" had meant going to a movie or something. Maybe they were going to the drive in down by the highway? If so they probably weren't even going inside, just find some building nearby to sit on top of with a view of one of the screens and they could make up their own dialogue and mock the actors.

Whatever, Edge was still in his uniform and didn't need to be snooping around the lazy duo when he still had his own plans to figure out. He stalked back out of the kitchen and headed for the bathroom when he heard an alarm go off, followed by snorts and some soft cursing as the slackers tried to untangle themselves.

It was very late the next day when Red mace stumbling out of his room. Edge was sitting on the couch sipping some coffee while idly putting together a jigsaw puzzle on the coffee table. He had already cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom and thought he deserved a short after lunch break before moving onto the living room.

"heeeeeeeeeey boss, how ya doin'?"

"I'M DOING QUITE WELL, THANK YOU. YOU'RE UP EVEN LATER THAN USUAL."

"jupiter didn't rise 'til after midnight an' 'e was the main attraction last night so…" Red trailed off into a shrug that was interrupted by a yawn. Ah, Edge got the pun now. It was awful and nonsensical, like most of Red's or Sans's puns. "'ow was yer night?"

"QUITE PLEASANT, I WENT TO THAT NEW CLUB METTATON OPENED UP RECENTLY."

"cool, cool…" Red shuffled over to the couch and plopped down next to Edge, who handed over his half drunk cup of coffee. Red tipped his head back and drained the whole thing. "man, ya sure like weak ass coffee."

"THERE'S MORE IN THE KITCHEN," Edge said as he focused on piecing the puzzle together.

Red had a bit more pep to his shuffle as he went into the kitchen. Edge managed to finish the frame (fuck you it was a small little puzzle as just a quick break, he could do it the fast way if he wanted) and started in on the rest by the time Red came back into the living room with two steaming cups. He handed one to Edge, now full of his "weak ass" coffee just the way he liked it. Red took a gulp of his and seemed to wake up more. "so… anythin' interestin' 'appen at this _hip new club_?"

"YOUR SARCASM IS NOTED, AND NO, NOTHING INTERESTING HAPPENED. IT WAS A NORMAL CLUB WITH NORMAL CLUB THINGS LIKE LOUD MUSIC AND SPARKLY DECOR." Red snorted, he had probably guessed that all of the music was Mettaton's, delightfully remixed to all be club music. Mettaton's DJ had really outdone themself. "HOW WAS THE STAR GAZING?"

"it were nice 'nough, the stars was pretty, the company was nice, the food was good, sans popped the question…"

"SANS WHAT?" Edge sat up and fully turned his face and his attention on his brother.

Red's eyes were sparkling brightly, they looked about ready to turn into stars themselves. "i'm engaged! i 'ad no idea 'e was plannin' it neither, 'ere i was thinkin' i'd ask on our anniversary since it's comin' up in a few weeks…"

WHAT WHAT WHAT?!

"… but then 'e just goes an' gets all romantical an' asks me while we're out watchin' stars. i shoulda known somethin' was up when 'e wanted to go all out for a picnic 'stead uh just takin' regular snacks." Red had turned to look down into his empty cup, he was kicking his feet like an excited child. "'e's prolly tellin' his bro right now too, if 'e ain't been awake awhile already. i just… we're gonna get married!" Red trailed off into a happy laugh.

Edge was absolutely flabbergasted. Anniversary?! Red and Sans had been **dating**?! Since when?! Apparently long enough to get **engaged**! Oh my god, Red and Sans were engaged.

"you ok there, boss?"

"I JUST… WASN'T EXPECTING IT SO SOON."

"we been datin' for three years," Red said in his most long-suffering voice. "look, i know ya don't like the guy, but i really do."

Edge snorted, "I SHOULD HOPE SO!"

"so can ya try ta get along with 'im? for me?"

Edge resisted the urge to pinch his nasal bridge, now was not the time to show annoyance. He softened his face as best he could while still reeling under this mountain of belated realizations. "ALRIGHT, FOR YOU."

"thanks, bro. yer the best." Red grinned happily up at Edge.

Edge cleared his throat, "YES WELL… DON'T YOU FORGET IT."

* * *

Bonus:

Ring Ring "Yeah?"

"ONDINE, THEY'RE ENGAGED."

"What? Who are? Red and Sans?!"

"YES."

"Fuck yeah! Hey Undyne! The lazy nerds got engaged! We are so taking credit and giving a speech at their wedding!"

"WHAT? WHY?"

"Because we introduced them, duh!"

And they did!


End file.
